|
|
No One
Searching for someone to share my heart with. Excepting the change in myself. I want to be held and told things that can alter any emotion. Seems no one can furfill my desire. A part of me is missing. Doubt of anyone fitting the piece and completing me.....
Wondering I just sit here and wonder,
If anyone else feels love.
I am sick of being hurt,
But I can't be hurt enough.
Thats what I feel,
It just seems that way.
I just keep getting hurt,
Every single day.
Its like no one cares,
About me being inpain.
All the things they do,
All the things they say.
Its like it makes them happy,
It seems like to them its fun.
But all this fun to them,
Is making me wish for a gun.
I can't stand this life,
And all of the people here.
I am just living this life,
hiding from everything in fear.
Fear that the next day,
Is just gunna be worse.
Worse than the day before,
its like an eternal curse.
I wish I could break it,
So I can live life with a smile.
But I know that will never happen,
Even for a little while.
Because this is no one else,
This is only me.
Pain is my whole life,
And that will always be...
I'm sorry
I'm sorry mom,
I'm sorry dad.
I know i made you,
so very sad.
I'm sorry my friends,
The few TRUE ones i had.
I'm sorry my family,
I was just so mad.
Mad at the world,
for its very cruel ways,
Mad at all the people,
who think they rule the days.
You think you are god,
everything belongs to you,
You think the world is yours,
when will you know the truth??
Why can't it all be perfect?
No worries or any pain?
We all hide from the world.
And life the days in vain.
We all wish it would end,
All the pain forever erased.
Gone from this world,
gone in an instant trace.
To a better place,
where all of us go.
All I want,
is for this to be so..
Dreams
My mind racing with questions. Never getting any answers I need to hear. The day I met you things have never been the same. Feelings climbing out my mouth. I can't hold them in anymore. I'm trying so hard to give myself time to adjust to all the constant changes in my nightmare. I lost all hope but everyone expects so much of me. I can't be the person I used to be. The lose of so much in my life most of my dreams mean nothing at all anymore, even if they'd come true nothings enough.
All my wants become needs. I can't handle all my emotions they can't stay bottled up anymore. Crawling out hurting everyone.. Oh well shit happens..
Only Me
I've tryed so hard to be,
someone else that's not real.
But if I be the real me,
theres so many bad things i feel.
Pain of wanting to die,
from what everyone says.
"Look at that freak,
why can't she just be dead?"
I try not to be who I am,
and crawl to my space in the dark.
Try to wear long shirst,
to cover all my scars.
Scars from everything they said,
from everything that they did.
Sometimes I sit and jsut wonder,
"Why can't I be a normal kid?"
A person with no problems,
a person with no pain.
Living life always smiling,
instead of living it all in vain.
I try to get past everything,
all the jokes and names.
And look at everything that happens,
as if it all was a big game.
But all the stuff hurts so bad,
it gives me scars underneath.
Underneath my already mutilated body,
past from what you can see.
Scars in my heart,
and in my soul.
Changin me everytime,
from a hear that was so full.
So full of love and life,
like a pure white dove.
But being hurt every day,
by the ones who I am supposed of love
Changing me into someone,
who I do not want to be.
Into something hateful and wrong,
someone who i know is not me.
But you are the ones who are causing i
for not loving me for who I am.
Wanting me to be normal and perfect,
hurting me and not giving a damn.
Why can't you all just stop,
stop not letting me be.
And finally accepect and love,
the one, true, and only me... Not Myself
I don't feel well, my happiness isn't there. I'm not myself anymore. Feeling inutile and used.Treated unfair, and drugged. Never self satisfied.. Haven't become anything....
Busting Out Everywhere I look,
All I see is walls.
I wonder what would happen,
If i made one of them fall.
What is behind these
walls I can not see?
Is it a forbidden paradise?
Or a hell burning only for me?
They say lifes not good,
unless you take a chance.
But what if what happens,
changes my life in a glance?
The desire is burning,
to push this wall down.
But if its not a paradise,
how do I not frown?
If I don't take this chance,
and push this wall to the ground.
I can't live this life,
with the crying little sound.
The sound of my heart crying,
untill there is no more tears.
But what is behind this wall,
is what I most fear...
Happyiness
for once i feel happiness but i can't speak of it...
it's almost as bad as not having it at all...
strict rules having to be followed..
hope for the happiness to stay...
unsure of being able to trust the happiness...
wanting to put all of me into it...
hand over my trust and all of me with out a second thought
but i doubt my happiness will stay long enough...
thoughts of someone stealing my happiness away...
I'm Sorry
the way you talk anymore you sound all together. as if you have moved on. i am so glad for you.i hope you get the girl of your dreams. i had a time with you . i hope you reach happiness. sorry i could never turn your sadness to cheer. Why Me?
In the darkness of the day you can hear me cry. You can hear the tears dripping in lonliness. Inside all they said I had left was to die. Why can't I be left with happiness. The only words I can speak are the two...... WHY ME
In the darkness of the day you can see me weep. I try to hide it during the days and then it all just lets it self out. All my emotions laying there in a heep. Making me want to cry and even shout..... then the words.... WHY ME
In the darkness of the day all my emotions catch up to me and hunt me down. But it's to late I ended it already. The look I had was only a frown. The people who haunted me with my pastrealized when I said " one day you'll see" and they had only one to ask.....WHY ME
No Care
Abandoned from society. Kept from the outside.Stuck between padded walls. Some call me mental, some act like friends. Most sit and stare, they all don't care, Why can't I smile anymore. I try to act happy but it only makes me mad. Not sure why beside being fake. So tired of giving I just stopped. I'm useless now I have nothings for them to take. Instead of my insanity. Most people don't want it though...
So Sad
All alone and crying out. Haven't been together for awhile. Feeling used and abandoned.Alone with no one to get all my tears out with. Wanting to be held, told sweet things to make me smile. Left all alone no one by my side. Always worthless and used. Hating all the feelings and emotions, but no choice but to stay the same way. Worthless used and all alone.
These Walls
The walls that surround me, sturdy and thick..Trying so hard to knock them down but they're unbreakable. Each wall is built by something different.
The ceiling is made from guilt. Guilt from all the people who constantly hurt me. So thick always falling down on me making it harder to get back up.
The floor is made from suffering. Suffereing from depression and lose. Being so thin it breaks constantly making me fall further to the bottom.
The walls are made with seperate things..
The first wall is made with sadness. Second made with lonliness. Third built with sensitivity to no extreme. The last wall is built with deathly thoughts.
Depression fills the room, it's all around me. I can't escape, no matter how hard I try. Can't sleep people are watching me. Never- ending voices and thoughts that seem like memories.
Always seeing people even though their not there.
Here I am captured and closed in only in my mind.
I Wish
I wish you could understand just like you say you do. I wish we could talk like we used to. I wish you could be happy for me, and handle my problems like you and everyone else expect me to. You say you're my friend and always will be there but when a hard time comes in my life you throw it in my face and forget what I say and hope I'll get over it. Well I want you to know I can't stand you and never want to be apart of your life again....
|
|
|